I won't sugar coat it...

Just for the Halibut

The Following text conversation actually took place, and was completed without the aid of the internet. It is the sort of thing that makes me believe that I am in medication that I don't know about.

Or maybe it's all the fish

ME: There is a man here who looks so much like a fish that I had to tell someone

LEO: Try to Flash fry him

ME: I failed – he’s a slipper character

LEO: The whole enterprise sounds like a damp squid

ME: And it would have only made him crabby

LEO: Plus if you didn’t cook him properly it’d probably make you eel

ME: And eating him all would have been a little shellfish

LEO: Plus you would have made a fair few anenomies

ME: Shame really, we could have had a whale of a time

LEO: Well I’m sure he wasn’t cruel to you on porpoise

ME: If he had, I would have noticed him carping on about it

LEO: Well, he’ll soon change his tuna

ME: I’ll seal his fate

LEO: Feed him to the street urchins!

ME: They’re shrimpy little guys

LEO: Well, they were prawn that way…

ME: Cod made them that way I guess

LEO: Just the wrong time and plaice I suppose

ME: Makes me feel clammy just thinking about it

LEO: I would like to call a formal end to this fish pun session now by saying: the end. Fin.

ME: Damn.

Note: some of the texts have been abbreviated, so as to highlight the fishy goodness.

So long and thanks for all the fish - puns

A Guide to New Zealand

Having finally found out how to turn my keyboard the right way up (turns out it was less to do with the keyboard, and more to do with what doctors would later call "a never before seen levels of sheep tranquilizer in the bloodstream"), I can now embark on a serious blog post from the land down under (the other one, that's not Australia (which is coincidentally New Zealand' s entry in the "US government world fact book")).

Anyway: New Zealand - The Roundup

Geography
Situated a convenient 18 hours from New York, it is an oddly shaped landmass, formed of two islands, both of which will claim to be the larger if you listen to the locals. It was discovered, like every other place which has "new" in the title, a man on a ship, long ago, before gay was a term meaning mildly annoying, and before even gay meant homosexual - basically the dark ages. The name itself is curious, as nobody knows where the original "Zealand" actually is, and most historians believe it may have been near Atlantis.

People
New Zealand has a remarkably small population, most of whom are surprisingly friendly, especially if you are wearing wool. Like all ex-colonies, they speak english slightly wrong, but on the whole they are easy to understand, and if you are not sure is going on, smile and mutter something bad about aussies

Exports
New Zealand exports, wool, musical coemdy duos and general sense of wellbeing to the rest of the world.
That is all.
Oh yeah and orcs and that

Activities

New Zealand has a great many non sheep-based activities, the most famous of which, involves hurling yourself of bridges or other high objects. Over the years it has become increasingly popular, but the real spike in popularity came in the 1980's, when bungy cord was invented, and the tagline "once in a lifetime experience" became a lot more of a generalization.

Wildlife
Mainly wool based.
Differs from Australia in that most animals have in and around the right number of legs, and very little of them kill you.
Their national animal is the Kiwi, a bird so finely honed by evolution, that it is flightless, quite stupid, and looks like it is wearing a fake beak, a move which i wouldn't put past it as a means of disuising itself from predators.
The Kiwi is possibly one of the worst national animals to choose, as its nearly extinct, and lives mainly in special santucaries - which is a lovely national image.

Apologies

˙sǝǝʇuɐɹɐnƃ ou os 'ʎzɐl ʎɹǝʌ ɯɐ ı ʇnq 'ƃuıɥʇǝɯos op oʇ ʇɹoɟɟǝ uɐ ǝʞɐɯ llıʍ I


˙ʎʞɔıɹʇ sı ƃuıʇsod os 'uʍop ǝpısdn ǝɹɐ sɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝɥʇ llɐ puɐ 'puɐlɐǝz ʍǝu uı ɯ,ı sɐ 'ʎlʇuǝɔǝɹ sʇsod ɟo ʞɔɐl ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ǝsıƃolodɐ oʇ ǝʞıl ʇsnɾ p,I


ǝldoǝd ollǝɥ

Bell-End

I recently found out I could make this on my phone!

Apologies

Dear people who ocaasionaly frequent my humble blog.
I'd like to take this chance to apologise for the decline in the quality of posts, both past and future.
I am becoming quite busy, and sadly I have decided to put a desparate stab at a future ahead of drawing and writing things that make little to no sense.

So, sorry, and in the mean time here is a picture of someone who has just found some cookies.

She's coming for you

The TV Guide

Stuff that I would definitely watch

Facejacker

A dangerous mental patient is released onto the streets of a major city with the intention to physically steal people's faces and use to to evade detection

Man Fall Down

Action based game show in which contestants are given a loose set of objectives to achieve with a monumental number of obstacles to stop them. Spine shatteringly funny injuries as contestants sacrifice dignity, humanity and physical health in order to claw desperately at the cash prize

Big Brother: George Orwell Edition

Contestants are abducted from their homes and entombed in a large modern house in which they are subject to the whim of an unseen Stalinist dictator. Contestants are regularly abducted, tortured and used to spy on one another. There is no clear winner.

Terrorists Do the Darndest Things
Bill Cosby hosts this hilarious clip show in which under-cover reporters document the inner workings of terrorist plots, and the hilarious consequences when they go wrong. Classic slapstick maiming in some good old fashioned patriotic family fun

Desparate House-fires

This drama documents the scandalous lives of a group of middle aged housewives in california - who are on fire

House M.C.
Watch the hard-hearted hilarious doctor take on the the world of rap-battles in downtown Los Angeles. Gun-toting verbose off-beat drama with lovable characters and occasional serious overtones

The Midget Olympics
Yes you've seen the regular olympics, the paralympics and even the special olypics, but now, thanks to combined lobbying of the little people's rerpresentetive comitee, and a few others who also think midgets are hilarious, there is now an olympics entirely for midgets.
Watch and guiltily laugh as they tackle events like the shotput, swimming and the crowd favorite, the hurdles.

Hole in the Wall - Public Bathroom

Contestants are offered a cash prize if they can extract vital information from a stranger in a public bathroom. Watch the hilarious consequences as they find out exactly what it means to play "Hole in the Wall"

Meth-Busters
Two moustachioed  professional scienticaians, who have only a slightly homo-erotic relationship, are armed with power-tools and explosives in an attempt to crack down on London's crystal meth intake.
There are few survivors

Come Die with me

A group of discerning diners are challenged to cook meals for one another in order to compete for the smallest cash prize avalable to man, but the twist is, one diner is a member of a suicide cult.

Two and a Half Leaders#
This hilarious sitcom stars two polar opposite men who unexpectedly end up living in the same household in London, with a troublesome economy to look after and some hilarious consequences

Extreme Fishing

Exciting nautical action as presenters go mano-a-mano with some of the world's largest and most dangerous fish

The Juan Show

Breakfast news and discussion with opinionated sports journalist; Juan Nhil.
This week:
Does Obama really have laser vision
If your parents give you a hilarious yet massively inconvenient name, do they still love you?
Interviews with twins Ilene and Ben Dover, Hugh Jass, Jaun Carr and Iona Willie

Pokemon - Behind the Balls

Andrew Marr looks into the sinister world behind the magic of pokemon, and how the hit children's franchise evolved out of illegal underground Japanese costume dog-fighting rings

Author's Note:

Yes I know this was dug from an old Heretick, but I'm a little busy at the moment, so I took out all the election centred stuff, and added a few new ones.

Little Known Fact: Most Snowmen are Racist

Snowman

More Extreme Trippyness

So this gave me a completely new view of old brucie
see more?